Ready or Not... Kindergarten Here We Come

Yup... this was the last time I saw him smile before entering kindergarten. There is no other way of putting it, Philip had a hard time saying goodbye today. Ok, Mommy did too. He was so excited, and I thought he had gotten over all his nerves, but at the last second as the teacher was begining to lead the class into the room, he had a break down. As I said "have fun" he began to cry uncontrollably. He grasped the bottom of my shirt so tightly I had to pry his little fingers loose. He covered my shirt in big snot covered tears and clung to me like a baby koala. After he cried on the assesment day, the teacher had warned me that I would need to just say goodbye and go without lingering to see if he was ok. It was much easier said than done. I had no idea how awful it felt to leave your crying child in the hands of a teacher carrying them away. The teacher did have to actually carry him to class. I wondered as they walked away what he thought as he saw all the other parents follow along behind the teacher. Did he know I was not there because I knew he could be braver if I left? Did he know that my heart was breaking as I stepped away and that all I wanted to do was scoop him up in my arms and run back home. We had prepared for this day for so long because I knew he was nervous about kindergarten. We'd read tons of books about kidergarten, we'd drawn pictures and talked about what it would be like, we'd toured the class and met the teacher. but nothing had prepared him for the big day and saying goodbye to mom. He had no problem with me leaving last year, and I know soon he will be fine. The teacher reported to me after class that he had stopped crying before they even got to the room. We did sneak past the class several times and saw that he was doing great. But still, I never wanted to leave him in tears. I hope I never have to again.